My Fulfilling Life in Michigan

by
Kate Tykocki
Monday, November 30, 2009

I work in government workforce development, which basically means I’m surrounded by a lot of self-proclaimed old white guys. All of these men ask how can we save Michigan? How we can transform Michigan? How we can revitalize Michigan? And how we can attract and retain “talent”?

So, as a 20-something blonde female who graduated from Michigan State University and has made my home and career in greater Lansing, I’m often held up as a poster child for said talent. As the end result of what good things will come to Michigan if more people like me stay. “See, she’s smart and talented and spends money in the community and values the arts… let’s get more of her!”

And yes, I intended to leave Michigan after graduation, so maybe I really am the poster child. I grew up in Illinois and when my family moved to Michigan in middle school, I still considered Illinois my home. I planned to return, but somehow I ended up at MSU. And then I planned to go to New York or Chicago after graduation, but I got a job, and met a boy, and settled down here. That was seven years ago.

Sometimes I feel a little hopeless. But then I look around, and I think, “Wait a minute! I’ve done this. I’ve carved out this creative, artistic, happy niche with people I adore, and I fill my time with things I truly enjoy doing.”

Why am I still here? Sure, I could go on and on and on about all of the “assets” of Michigan. We’ve all heard them, right? “Four seasons… the lakes… a Midwestern attitude… affordable housing… a great place to raise a family.”

But to be honest, I don’t know why I stayed. I just did. Maybe it was fear of trying somewhere new. Maybe it was a desire to be close to my family. Maybe it was just habit. But I did stay, and the longer I’ve been here the more I feel glad I stayed.

I have a lovely life in Michigan. I really enjoy my work and get well-paid for it. I have a deep network of friends, spanning from people I went to high school and college with up to people I’ve met through work and extra curriculars. I own a home, have a fabulous roommate and get to be active in a performing arts community big enough to do stuff but not so big I’m squeezed out by competition. I like it. I can walk my dog in the spring and fall, go to the beach in the summer and ski in the winter. It snows at Christmas. I played on a kickball team where they let me have beer on the field.

And now, with equity in my home and a solid career, I’m watching a lot of my friends boomerang back to Michigan. They’re in debt up to their eyeballs because of extravagant lifestyles with high costs of living. They’ve been saddled with D.C. and California size mortgages. They have no connections and are struggling to find jobs. They’re lonely, so they call me a lot, and I feel bad because a lot of the time I’m already busy with my “other” friends. I kind of want to say to the boomerangers, “See, you should have stayed too…” but I don’t.

Because even though I like my life, I’m scared too. I mean, I work in workforce development. I don’t just see the writing on the wall… I write the stuff there. I represent the people in our economy who are the worst off. I face the old manufacturing mentality on a daily basis. And I know that as much as I want this to be… we’re probably not at the bottom of the barrel yet.

As a part of my job, I tweet job leads. I connect with a lot of young professionals looking for new or better jobs from inside and outside the region. And honestly, a lot of them find jobs with my help and on their own. More than even I expected. But my boyfriend, who’s funny and talented and smart and hard-working, can’t find a job in Lansing. He’s an alternative energy engineer. Isn’t that the type of person we want here? And yet, after months of trying, we can’t find him a job in town. So he lives somewhere else, and I’m scared he’s going to move even further away. And I look around at some of the people who do nothing but complain. Who refuse to get an education because it’s too expensive or too inconvenient. Who have never done anything but work on the line and who refuse to realize their job won’t come back. And sometimes it makes me feel a little hopeless. Or a little overwhelmed.

Can we really do this? Can we really transform Michigan? How? And whose responsibility is it? I don’t want to live in a poor state where uneducated fat people neglect the things I care about like the environment, arts and entertainment. I get scared sometimes that that’s where Michigan is heading. I get scared I’ll be the last one left here.

But then I look around, and I think, “Wait a minute! I’ve done this. I’ve carved out this creative, artistic, happy niche with people I adore, and I fill my time with things I truly enjoy doing.” Could enough of us carving out our own little places in this state be enough to turn it around? Could the collective passion and momentum of other people like me be enough to tip the scales? I really don’t know, but I choose to hope. I want to be able to make a difference with and in my life. I don’t stay because I have to… I stay because I want to. I hope I won’t be the only one.

Kate Tykocki is the Chief Communications Officer at Capital Area Michigan Works! in Lansing. She holds a BA in Interdisciplinary Humanities from Michigan State University, a Master’s of Science in Integrated Marketing Communications from Eastern Michigan University, and serves as adjunct faculty at Lansing Community College. Connect with her at ktykocki@camw.net or @camwkate on Twitter.

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  • Matt
    Michigan is a s***hole. this place is a cancer on my soul and i cant wait to leave. if i could id burn this entire state down myself and do the world a favor. this state is full of morons and no real job opportunities. i have been damaged by growing up here.
  • tommychang
    I am pursuing an associate degree in respiratory therapy. After I receive my AD, I plan on staying here in Michigan hoping to pursue my career. My parents moved here from Ohio when I was two. So basically, i was raised in Michigan. I have travel outside of Michigan, but no place seem to feel like home. All my friends and family are here. I've know many people who moved out of Michigan to other states and have struggle. They leave everything they worked so hard for behind and begin a fresh life somewhere else. Most of the people who moved, eventually return to Michigan due to stress of not finding jobs or feeling lonesome because their friends and family are all back here. I feel Michigan is my place, my home, my life.
  • Pat
    No, not really. There is no stress in "not finding jobs" outside of Michigan because the unemployment rates are so much lower outside of Michigan (save Rhode Island and Mississippi). Also, most of us who are not socially inept find the ability to make new friends, meet new people and make new connections. Sure, if you like the idea of being surrounded by the same people you've known your entire life, being surrounded by the same surroundings, and are, in general, scared of new things, go ahead, stay in Michigan. The rest of us will not wait a minute longer during the holidays to get back to our thrilling, exciting lives outside of the mitten.
  • Tiff
    I agree with some of the other people who commented. It's nothing wrong with venturing out to different States to make a better life for yourself. I personally HATE Michigan and I was born and raised here. Now that I'm 26 and have a 5 year old daughter I can't imagine her growing up in Michigan. Sure her family, father, and friends are here but they will probably always be. At the moment I'm in school to recieve my nursing degree and once I do I'm headed South. To Texas where the weather is beautiful, the oppurtunities are better and there are more things for my daughter to see. Here in Detroit all I see is poverty, people losing their homes, jobs, schools being shut down, museums in danger of closing, and most importantly depression and violence. And it's not just in the inner city its happening in the rural areas as well. I personally don't see Michigan getting better only worse. A miracle will have to take place in order to get this State back in order. So for those who choose to stay here, Good Luck! Michigan might be a better place for you. It's just not the place for me and my daughter.
  • kj32
    You should not deprive your child of her family soley because you hate the state, how do even know that once you move to Texas that everything is going to be better, besides the weather. Maybe you did not make the best of it, and by leaving you are only contibuting to the closing of schools and museums. Does your daughter go to one of those schools that has closed? When is the last time you went to one of those museums? Do you shop at walmart, or do you shop at michigan based meijers?
    And how can you say there is more for her to see in texas. Just because everything is bigger does not mean it is better. Do I honestly have to list everything there is to see in the state of michigan?
    And that miracle it would take for this state to get back in order would be for more people to care and quit running away.
  • Pat
    Right. Why take your child away from her father and family just because YOU hate it here? I, personally, would hate to be 26 with a 5 year old child. Thankfully, I was intelligent enough to not allow that to happen.
  • Tom
    Guess what? We're moving back to MI at the end of the December and for all the reasons you're stating here.

    Great post!
  • akakiersten
    Wow, what an amazing post! As a current college student who is still planning her future, I definitely can relate to this struggle in Michigan. Unlike so many of my peers, I absolutely love Michigan and have no intention of leaving. To clarify, I am not afraid of leaving in any capacity, but instead find myself ready to face to dwindling job market and add my talents to it. I'm not running from the problems of my state, but plan to stay to fix them.

    With people like this creative professional living in Michigan, I have no doubt that we can have a come-back. I look forward to being a part of the movement.
  • Scott
    The focus of your article should be "Why can't my engineer boyfriend get a job," not how you fell ass-backwards into one and suddenly feel content.
  • Pat
    "I kind of want to say to the boomerangers, 'See, you should have stayed too…' but I don’t."

    That's because you know better. You were afraid to leave, so you became complacent and stayed instead of charting out a path towards a goal. You just rolled with the punches. Thankfully for you, it worked out. But what about your "boyfriend" who can't get a job, even though he's an engineer? Should have your friends stuck around so they could become him: highly skilled, but no demand for those skills? Your friends took risks that you were too afraid to do to help improve their quality of life and to experience new things. Many of your friends who left also had extensive "connections and friends" that spanned generations. Do you think you are special in that regard? (It seems like you do)

    Overall, it's crystal clear what your attitude is: Just another blonde Michigan State grad from out of state who thinks she knows better and is above many in Michigan, from the fat, to the unemployed, to the laboriously skilled, to the uneducated. Get a clue. I think it says a lot about someone's intellectual capacity and work habits when they're willing to sit around and wait for a job instead of making something happen, no matter how "educated" or skilled you are.

    Also, try not to act as condescending as you are in this article to the people you are "supposedly" help trying to find meaningful employment.
  • Drew
    Geez oh petes, talk about condescending.
  • laleah
    The question put before her was "why do you stay or leave Michigan?" Kate was courageous and candid in her response. Clearly she is not afraid of much, moving or otherwise, if she is willing to share her thoughts here. She should not have to apologize for your interpretation of her experience. This state does have a great deal to offer (e.g. micro brews, music, blueberries/ cherries and MSU); however, supportiveness for ideas that fall outside of the norm is obviously not among our strengths. Too bad. Lawmakers, educators and employers are asking for answers and first-hand experiences and Kate responded to that call by providing honest answers. Your resistance to her ideas only reinforces the need to embrace and appreciate Generation Yers specifically, and differences more generally. In short, If Gen Y ideas cannot be delivered with honesty, there is no point asking.
  • Pat
    You are not smart, talented (or special) if your job includes tweeting job openings and whining about how worthless the people are who come to you for help finding a job. If anything, you are far from talented. You are just another woman with a non-professional degree (and no, just because you have a white collar job doesn't mean you are a professional).

    You can get micro brews, blueberries, (better) music, cherries anywhere in the country, and MSU is on national television almost every game. Horrible reasons to suffer through an economic catastrophe.

    I'm really trying hard to not drag this debate down into a pro or anti-Michigan argument. I believe we are ALL pro-Michigan. I believe, with the right ECONOMIC opportunities, many (to most) of us would choose to reside in Michigan. But I believe many of you "I'm never leaving Michigan, I love this place!" people are lying about why you are REALLY living there.

    Why are you there? Are you:

    Afraid of moving outside your comfort zone?
    Afraid of moving away from friends?
    Afraid of moving away from family?
    Tied down by some ball and chain?
    Afraid of leaving your B/F or G/F? (Always horrible reasons to subvert your earning potential)
    Did you get married and have kids by 25? (Real smart).
    Afraid of being ALONE?
    Afraid of facing new challenges?
    Afraid of having to develop new connections?
    Afraid of having meet new people?
    Afraid of having to develop a new lifestyle?
    Afraid of having to interact with people who are vastly different than you?
    Afraid of having to work hard to gain success in a new market?

    All the huffing and posturing over "How do we keep the best and brightest from leaving the state?" is just polishing a turd. Michigan will never prevent the best and brightest from leaving until it finds a way to help re-establish a middle class. Period. The lakes, the nature, all that BS is just talk if people can't find meaningful work to support families and put food on the table.

    People are voting with their feet. What else do you need to know? If Michigan doesn't shape up, it'll look like Northern Indiana, and then NO ONE's coming back.
  • Matt Penniman
    This comment feels very much like a personal attack against the author, whom I happen to know professionally. Let me assure you that she is not "whining about how worthless" her clients are, or "just another woman with a non-professional degree". Her honesty about her work is commendable; your dismissal of it is not.

    Many of the people who choose to stay in Michigan recognize, as you do, that meaningful work and economic opportunities are the key to rebuilding the state. But attacking people who choose to stay and assigning bad motives to them doesn't do anything to help that. Personally, I would rather see a discussion about what making a difference with your life can look like. There are so many who want to help, who see what's happening in Michigan and want to change it. Where should we direct that energy? What projects are worthy of that attention?

    Maybe we could start with this: the frequent Michigan assumption that the only way to get paid is by getting a job with an existing company or institution. How do we change this culture to encourage start-ups, partnerships, and entrepreneurs? How do we increase our tolerance for risk and change?
  • jpbarrabee
    How do we increase our tolerance for Risk and Change? By having more money for an infrastructure that will hold us up when we fall down. But Michigan has no money or is not willing to tax those that do. I moved here (professionally insane) to be close to my daughter who moved when my ex got a job as a professor here. I have my law degree and can only find work in temp jobs. The problem is that this state is bankrupt. The good news is that we are probably not all that much worse than other states. The bad news is that it is because other states are in bankruptcy too. Just wait for 2010 and see how much infrastructure is cut here in Michigan and in other states.
  • Michael
    Laleah: thank you for your post. Ironic that an unwillingness to change within this state is exactly what her point is and when she voices her opinion she is met with an unwillingness to change. She is not coming from a hateful place and most people understand what she means through their own personal experiences.
  • Samanthajones
    Generation Y should stay and rebuild Michigan’s financial and economic problems. It is important that Generation Y take on the responsibility and authority by staying and reproducing a better plan for Michigan. I believe that it is easier for people to run from the problem than to find a solution for it. It is important that we take ideas and form solutions for the problem so that Michigan can become a better place where the job market can grow and become stable enough to last for other generations.
  • Michael
    I love your sarcasm. Haha!
  • Pat
    "Maybe it was fear of trying somewhere new."

    DING DING DING.
  • benkershner
    As a recent engineering grad from MSU, I would have LOVED to have stayed in South Michigan, but it wasn't there. With my family's financial plight, I needed the most secure job I could find. Maybe in a decade the small business market in the East Lansing area will perk up and be in need of an experienced professional, but right now they're not ready for some as green as I am (speaking both to my lack of experience and undying faith to everything MSU).
  • Michael
    I moved out and survived in California after growing up in Michigan and have a great life and hope to never come back. I have to admit that Michigan is a good place to raise a family, affordable homes, yards and schools. I tend to think that people who are single young professionals Michigan does not have as much to offer as many other major cities in America. I think in general people are more complacent and less willing to take risks to move and try something new, venture out into the unknown.
  • laleah
    Oh,sounds like you're still very connected to Michigan and trying to rationalize your move. Of course you deserve accolades for venturing elsewhere, but please don’t dismiss the idea of ever returning home. After all, in some ways we are still a frontier and welcome people who are explorers at heart.
  • Pat
    I don't think any of us are completely ruling out moving home eventually. We're just not satisfied wasting our youth while Michigan tries to figure out (unsuccessfully) how to get itself out of a financial calamity.
  • Michael
    I am not against moving back but after living somewhere else I have come to understand that the state of Michigan takes its people for granted. Other areas do more to welcome young people and as a result life is easier and better.
  • Mrs. Foodsly
    Aww why you gotta pick on fat people? We need love too! (and we like arts and culture and... food)
  • Andy Corner
    I am a 40-something not-blond male who graduated from Michigan State University, and -- notwithstanding the obvious differences in age, hair color, etc. -- have had exactly the same experience staying in Michigan that you have. Despite the gloom-and-doom reports of our economy, despite three months of coldish weather and despite the Lions, this is a great place to live, work and raise a family -- as long as you have an education.
  • Upset_and_unemployed
    "I don’t want to live in a poor state where uneducated fat people neglect the things I care about"

    Did you ever think that maybe fat and uneducated people do care about the same things that you do? Maybe we should not be so judgmental. Considering you work for Capital Area Michigan WORKS! you know a place that can not be discriminatory. Not a good way to represent your company.
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